RIFF CENTRAL
4.14.2006
  HOLYT SHITT ITS GOOD A FRIDAY GUESS WHOSE BIZZACK



(GAME)

HOLY TOADFUCKER IT'S GAMETIME HERE @ GAME@RIFF CENTRAL

SORRY FOR BAILNG I'VE BEEN GETTIGN MY RIFF VAN WINKLE ON

TODAY YOU WONT FUCKING BELIVE WHO WE GOT BUT YOU GOTTA BELIEVE BECAUS WE GOT HIM RIGHT HERE, THE MYTH THE BLOGGGER OF THIFNGS, NICK SYLVESTER, FAMOUS VOICE WRITER AND WRITER FOR THINGS SUCH AS THE PITCHFORK MEDEA. THIS GUY WAS RIFFING FOR YEARS (YOU KNOW) AND CANT STOP WONT STOP EXCEPT TODAY TO GIVE US THE SCOPP ON THE PIECE HE WDRTE ABOUT THE GAME BUT ITS NOT REALLY ABOUT THE GAME

ITS SPRINGTIME



RIFFFFFFFFFFF

GAME @RIFF CENTRAL: THE PICTURES OF YOU ON THE INTERNET HAVE GLASSES BUT NOW YOUARENT WEARNING GLASSES

NICK SYLVESTER: I JUST DECIDED TO CHANGE UP MY FACE A LITTLE, I LIKE GLASSES SINCE YOUR EYES DONT GET TOO TIRED BUT

GAME @RIFF CENTRAL: CAN YOU SEE MY FACE

NICK SYLVESTER; YES

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: I CNA SEE YOUR FACE TOO

NICK SYVLESTER: ...

GAME @RIFF CENTRAL: I'M GOING TO MOVE INTO THE SERIOUS QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, I HEARD YOU GOT A FIRE FROM A NEWSPAPER PLACE FOR A PIECE YOU WROTE ABOUT THE GAME

NICK SYLVESTER: THE GAME, YEAH

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: PLEASE CALL ME GAME

NICK SYLVESTER: BUT THE PIECE WASN'T ABOUT YOU GAME

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: YOU DIDN'T WRITE A PIECE ABOUT ME ?!!@!@

NICK SYLVESTER: NO

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: NO WONDER YOU WERE FIRED ROFFL

NICK SYLVESTER: IN JANUARY I PITCHED A BOOK REVIEW OF THE BOOK CALLED THE GAME TO ED PARK, WHOSE THE BOOK EDITOR AND ESSAYS EDITOR I HAD WORKED WITH A BUNCH ON TRENDCOLLAPSING PIECES, REVERSE TREND PIECES WHERE THE TRENDS REPORTED ON BEFORE IT TAKES PLACE, STUFF LIKE THAT.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: RIGHT LIKE THE RAINBOW LIPSTICK PARTIES THING I HEARD ABOUT ON OPERAH, I HEARD ABOUT IT BUT NOW I WANT TO *SEE* ABOUT IT AND MAYBE DO ABOUT IT

NICK SYLVESTER: BASICALLY FOR THIS BOOK REVIEW I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING ALONG THE LIENS OF SEVREAL OTHER PIECES I HAD WRITTEN FOR HIM, A GONZO NARRATIVE IN WHICH I EXPLORE THE THREE LEVELS OF THIS BOOK'S TRICKS TAKING EFFECT IN NEW YORK--PRE-GAME, GAME, AND POST-GAME. I LIKED THE IDEA OF BOOKS LIKE THIS HAVING A SATURATION POINT, WHEN ALL THE KNOWLEDGE HAS REACHED MASS POPULARITY AND THERE'S THIS HUGE PANIC. THE PIECES FORECSTS THE ENSUANT SCRAMBLE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: YOU HAD A 'THING'

NICK SYLVESTER: IT WAS MORE OF A 'BIT' BUT YEAH

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THE PIECE WASNT LAUGH OUT LOUD LIKE YOUR OTHERS PIECES THOUGH, AND YOU FUCKED UP BIG WAYYYYYYYYY BIG BY NOT GIBING ENOUGH CLUES THAT READERS SHOULDEXPECJKLT SHOULD EXPECT FACTUAL LIBERTIES, THAT THIS WAS A BIT, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL YOU LOOK LIKE YOURE ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING

NICK SYVLESTER: NOTHING, YOURE RIGHT. I FUCKED UP THERE. IT'S JSUT WITH THESE PIECES ITS LESS ABOUT THE FACTS OF THE TREND, MORE ABOUT WHY PEOPLE NEED TRENDS TO EXIST, THEN THE NEED FOR PEOPLE TO REFUSE ANY PART OF THEM, STUFF LIKE THAT, AND SATIRE MUDDIES THAT INTENT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: GAME IS CONFUSED

NICK SYLVESTER: THATS WHAT IM SAYING

GAME@RIFFCENTRAK: IS THAT WHY YOU USED PEOPLES ACTUAL NAMES AND PUT YOURSELF INTO THE PIECE INSTEAD OF MAKING UP NAMES LIKE MOST TREND PIECES THAT ACT LIKE THE TREND EXISTS OUTSIDE OF THEIR GROUP OF FRIENDS

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: NO JUDGEMENTS

NIK SYLVESTER: ISN'T THAT THE TAGLINE FOR DOLPHIN GYM?

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ...

NICK SYLVESTER: PARK LOVED THE IDEA OF THE PIECE, AND INSTEAD OF IT BEING A LEAD BOOK REVIEW HE WANTED TO RUN IT IN THE ESSAY SECTION TO GIVE ME MORE SPACE. THEN THE NEWD TIMES KILLED THE ESSAY SECTION. ED DECIDED HE WANTED TO PITCH THE PIECE AT THE EDITORS MEETING AS A FULL-FLEDGED FEATURE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SAME IDEA?

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH. ED TOOK THIS PIECE INTO THE EDITORS MEETING, AND FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND DOUG SIMMONSDS DECIDED HE WANTED ME TO DO A WHOLE PROFILE ON NEIL STRAUSS. HE THOUGHT THE GUY WAS HUGE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: IVE NEVER SEEN HIM ON A MIXTAPE

NICK SYLVESTER; BUT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: JUST SAYIN

NICK SYLVESTER: A PROFILE WAS NOT THE PIECE I WANTED TO WRITE, DIDN'T INTEREST ME, SINCE I'D HAVE TO HANG ON THE PHONE WITH PEOPLE AND GET QUOTES AND STUFF LIKE THAT. BUT I STARTED TALKING TO STRAUSS ANYWAY, PREPARING TO DO A STRAIGHT PROFILE OF HIM. I READ ALL HIS GHOSTWRITES, A GOOD CHUNK OF HIS TIMES AND STONE STUFF, TRIED TO GET A FEEL FOR SOME OF THE LARGER IDEAS HE'S DEALING WITH. WE TALKED A BUNCH AND I SENT HIM A BUNCH OF CDS HE SHOULD LISTEN TO

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DID YOU SEND HIM THE BORIS

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH HE LOVED IT, HE SAID "BEST OF GENRE"

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ROFFLE

NICK SYLVESTER: ABOUT A WEEK OR SO LATER, SIMMONS DECIDED HE WASN'T FEELING A FULL-ON PROFILE OF STRAUSS, THEN HE KILLED THE PIECE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: GAME OVER LOL

NICK SYLVESTER: I WENT BACK TO ED PARK AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THE PIECE AS ORIGINALLY INTENDED. THING WAS LACEY HAD JUST CUT HIS SECTION DOWN TO A PAGE FROM A PAGE AN DA HALF, AND THERE WAS NO ESSAY SECTION ANYMORE, SO HE SAID THAT HE'D LOVE TO RUN IT AS A LEAD PIECE BUT IT MIGHT NOT GO UP UNTIL APRIL OR SO.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DID YOU GO TO ONE OF THOSE COLLEGE WHERE THE LGBLTSA CALLS APRIL GAYPRIL?

NICK SYLVESTER: YES

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: GO ON

NICK SYLVESTER: SAME TIME, NEW TIMES WAS PUSHING FOR MORE FRONT OF THE BOOK FEATURES, BIGGER PIECES, SO ED PARK SAID WE SHOULD PITCH IT AS A FRONT OF THE BOOK FEATURE LIKE WE DID LAST TIME. WE DID THIS, ASKED FOR A PAGE, ZEROED IN ON THE IDEA OF POST-GAME AS THE DRIVE OF THE PIECE. THIS TIME SIMMONS LIKED IT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SO THAT ASSCLOWN FROM COCKSANDBALLS, YOU DIDNT'S STEAL HER PITCH

NICK SYLVESTER: NO IN FACT THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME ABOUT THAT BLOG WAS STRAUSS. I STARTED WRITING THE PIECE, WITH ED PARK DOING PRIMARY LINE EDITS. I GAVE HIM A VERY VERY EARLY DRAFT AROUND VALENTINES DAY OR SO WITHOUT SIA MICHELS QUOTES AND THEN WE STARTED BACKING AND FORTHING IT, WORKING ON THE NARRATIVE ASPECTS OF IT AND

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: IS IT TRUE THAT FOR VALENTINES DAY YOU TOOK YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO PIZZERIA UNO

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: REALLY? YOU DOG

NICK SYLVESTER: OH COME ON WE WENT SOMEWHERE ELSE AFTERWARDS. I THOUGHT WE HAD A GREAT TIME

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: IT'S OK, I LIKE MUDSLIDES TOO

NICK SYLVESTER: SINCE I ALREADY HAD REACHED OUT TO NEIL FOR THE KILLED PROFILE PIECE, I WANTED TO WORK HIM INTO THE PIECE SOMEHOW, SOMETHING LIKE AN EMERGENCY PHONE CALL TO TELL HIM THAT NEW YORK HAD SARGED ITSELF OUT, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!?!, SOMETHING LIKE THAT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: I AM NOT KNOWN FOR MY LOGICAL INSIGHTS BTU DIDN'T YOU WRITE THAT THE BOOK ONLY HAS SOLD 170,000 COPIES IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ...

NICK SYLVESTER: ITS A KEY POINT BUT NOBODY DID THE MATH I GUESS. DOUG STARTED READING THE STORY LATER IN THE PROCESS, HE'S AN EXCELLENT STORY EDITOR

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: WELL

NICK SYLVESTER: NO HE'S GOOD. THERE WERE LOTS OF LITTLE THINGS, LIKE MAKING SURE TO BRING THE PIECE OUT WITH A WOMAN, SINCE I STARTED WITH A WOMAN, KNOWING HOW TO TEASE 'WHAT THE READERS GONNA GET' AT THE TOP, WHAT DETAILS TO WORK IN. I WAS WRITING THE PIECE WITH MORE DRAMATIC, NARRATIVE CONCERNS, NEIL EX MACHINA OR SOMETHING. THE PIECE GREW STEADILY IN SIZE FROM THE DRAFTS, UNTIL IT WAS A 3500 WORD MONSTER. THERE WAS NOW TALK ABOUT PUTTING THIS ON THE COVER, IF ONLY BECAUSE OF ITS SIZE

GAME @ RIFFCENTRAL: BUT THIS PIECE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH 9/11

NICK SYVLESTER: RIGHT THAT'S WHAT I SAID

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THE ABCS OF 9/11

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH THIS WASN'T COVER MATERIAL

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THEIR ABCS

NICK SYLVESTER: OK GAME

GAME @ RIFFCENTRAL: GAME-BCS

NICK SYLVESTER: AT ONE POINT THE PIECE WAS BEING TALKED ABOUT AS THE ISSUE 8 COVER, THEN IT WASN'T, BECAUSE APPARENTLY NEW YORK MAGAZINE WAS GONNA SCOOP US ON SOME STORY, THAT'S WHAT DOUG SAID. THEN IT WAS GOING TO BE IN ISSUE 9, THEN IT WAS GOING TO BE ISSUE 9 COVER? IT'S ALL REALLY UNCLEAR, I WAS ACTUALLY STILL DOING REWRITES ON THE PIECE THE DAY BEFORE IT WENT TO PRINT.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ITS LIKE TAXES

NICK SYLVESTER:...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: RIGHT? COME ON

NICK SYLVESTER: TUESDAY MORNING THE PIECE WENT UP ONLINE. THAT AFTERNOON I PUT IT UP ON DELICIOUS FOR ALL MY FRIENDS TO SEE SINCE A LOT OF THEM WERE IN THE PIECE. FOR INSTANCE, THE GUYS AT THE END KNEW I WAS WRITING THE PIECE, I TOLD THEM I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO WORK THEM IN, THEY WERE GOING TO 'ACTUALIZE' STRAUSS'S MESSAGE IN PART 3 OF THE PIECE, BECOME THE PIECE'S HEROS, ETC.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: I READ ABOUT THE ONE GUY, HE REALLY LIKES MAKING JOKES ABOUT FLATPATTIES WITH YOU RIGHT

NICK SYLVESTER: YES WE HAVE A HISTORY OF MAKING HAMBURGER JOKES

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: HE MAYBE SORTA HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOUR INITIATION INTO THE TAMPOON TOO RIGHTH

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

NICK SYLVESTER: THAT AFTERNOON MY ONE FRIEND STARTED AN EMAIL THREAD THAT ASKED HOW MUCH WAS TRUE AND NOT. ONE GUY WHO WAS ON THE LIST FLIPPED OUT ABOUT HIS FULL NAME BEING IN PRINT SINCE ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE DIDNT HAVE THEIR FULL NAMES IN PRINT. I WENT INTO DOUG SIMMONDS OFFICE AND TOLD HIM SOMEONE WAS REALLY ANGRY ABOUT BEING INCLUDED IN THE PIECE. DOUG TOLD ME TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM AND SEE WHAT HE'S ANGRY ABOUT

GAME @RIFF CENTRAL: WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE FAINTING THING

NICK SYLVESTER: IT WAS A COLLAPSE

GAME@RIFF CENTRAL:" SAME DIFFERENCE

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: STOP SNITCHIN

NICK SYLVESTER: I TRIED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ANGRY GUY BUT COULDN'T, BUT I FOUND OUT THROUGH PEOPLE HE WAS REALLY JUST ANGRY ABOUT BEING GOOGLEABLE, LIKE IF A WOMAN HE MET AT A BAR OR WHATEVER HE DIDN'T WANT HER TO SEE THAT HE WAS ASSOCIATED WITH THE PIECE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: BUT HE WANTS PEOPLE TO KNOW HE WAS ASSOCIATED WITH STAR JONES AL RENYOLDS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?!?!L LOLSZ

NICK SYLVESTER: BY THAT POIN TIN THE DAY DOUG HAD ALREADY LEFT TO PICK UP HIS KID AT HEBREW SCHOOL I THINK, SO I GOT HIS CELL NUMBER FROM JEN SNOW AND ASKED IF I COULD GET PERMISSION TO ANONYMIZE THE LAST SECTION. HE SAID YES. AS SOON AS I DID THAT ADAMMA INCE BROUGHT OVER THE LETTER TO THE EDITOR THAT ANGRY GUY HAD WRITTEN ABOUT THE PIECE, AND I HAD TO GO TO SEE THE SIMON REYNOLDS BOOK CONFERENCE THING AT MO PITKINS

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: IS THIS WHEN THE GUY BECAME LUCIEN

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH, LUCIEN WAS THAT RESTAURANT ON FIRST AND 1ST J AND I LIKE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THAT'S THE ONE HODGES JUST STARTED WORKING AT RIGHT

NICK SYLVESTER: YES, AND I WISH THAT GUY WOULD CALL ME BACK ALREADY. THAT NIGHT I TALKED TO A FRIEND ABOUT THE THING AND HE ASKED ME IF MY EDITORS THOUGHT I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED PEOPLE AT BARS AND RECORDED THEM HITTING ON GIRLS AND STUFF. I TOLD HIM I PITCHED THE PIECE AS "RIPSTERS STYLE" AND THERE WERE BLOCK QUOTES EVERYWHERE AND HALF THE STORY HAPPENED SEVERAL MONTHS OLD AND ID BE SURPRISED IF THEY THOUGHT IT WAS STRAIGHT REPORTING. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW FOR SURE AND THAT WAS A PROBLEM. EITHER WAY THE NEXT MORNING I TOLD DOUG AND HIS #2 LAURA CONDOWAY THAT THE PIECE WAS NOT STRAIGHT REPORTING, THAT THE NEIL AND SIA QUOTES WERE DIRECT AND PRESENTED AS SO, BUT ALL THE ANECDOTAL STUFF DIDNT HAPPEN AS WRITTEN, PEOPLE AND PLACES JUST SERVED THE STORY AND NOT VICE VERSA. SINCE PEOPLE EXPECTED THIS STUFF, I SAID WE SHOULD COME OUT AS SAYING THE WHOLE PIECE WAS FICTION

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THEN WHY DID THE VOICE DEFEND THE STORY AS STRAIGHT REPORTING, THAT 80% TRUE "ONLY THE ENDING WAS FABRICATED" STUFF GOING AROUND

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ...

NICK SYLVESTER::BECAUSE "ONLY SOME OF THIS PIECE ACTUALLY HAPPENED AS WRITTEN" WOULD PROBABLY MEAN IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON THE COVER. AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE EVER BEEN, IF YOU ASK ME

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: HEY DONT GET TOO UPPITY. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOUR EDITORS WHAHJK WAS UP ABOUT THE GAME AND ALSO HOW YOU WEREEW WRITING THE PIECE ABOUT THE GAMEE. EVEYRBDOY NEEDS TO BE AON THE SAME PAGE ALL THE TIME JSUT LIKE HNGINNG OUT WITH PREVIN

NICK SYLVESTER: ... YOURE RIGHT. I REALLY REGRET THAT.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: LOOK I HEARD FROM SYOUSR FRIENSD THAT SIOMMONSD CALLSED THEM UP AT WORK AND ASKED THEM IF THEY RAN GAME AT BARS IS THIS TRUE

NICK SYLVESTER: YES HE CALLED PEOPLE UP AND ASKED THEM IF TELL GIRLS THEIR FRIENDS ARE INTERESTED IN BUYING EAGLES AND THEY HAND OUT PLASTIC SNAKES AT BARS

GAME @RIFFCENTALRA: I LOVE SNAKES

NICK SYLVESTER: ME TOO. BUT THAT HAPPENS THURSDAY. WE'RE STILL ON WEDNESDAY MARCH 1.

GAME @FJSDF CENTRAL: ASH WEDNESDAY

NICK SYLVESTER: DOUG'S INVESTIGATION IS BASICALLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OF THE PIECE IS MADE UP, AND HE SAID HE'S GONNA TALK TO THE NEW TIMES PEOPLE AND ASK THEM WHAT HE SHOULD DO. IT'S AROUND 6 OR SO SO I GO UPTOWN TO MEET ANTHONY

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DID YOU GO TO THE FLAME

NICK SYLVESTER: YES; AT AROUND 7 OR SO MY PHONE STARTED GOING BERSERK, TEXT MESSAGES FROM PRETTY MUCH EVERYWHERE. MY GUESS IS THE STORY GOT ONTO THE INTERNET, DOUG CALLED ME LATER THAT NIGHT AND TOLD ME I HAD BEEN SUSPENDED. HE ASKED ME TO COME IN THE NEXT MORNING BECAUSE HE WANTED TO CALL THE PEOPLE FROM THE PIECE AND ASK THEM WHAT THEY KNEW, IF WHAT HAPPENED HAPPENED, AND SO ON

GAME@RIFFCENTRAL: RIGHT I KNOW I TOLD YOU I KNEW THAT

NICK SYLVESTER: THAT'S THURSDAY. FRIDAY I'M AT THE WHITNEY AT THE BIENNEILA, AND I GET A CALL FROM DOUG ABOUT THE INVESTIGATION, WHICH HE SAYS IS MOVING ALONG, HE JUST WANTS THE NEIL AND SIA AND CAITLIN TAPES. WHILE HE'S ON THE PHONE WITH ME HE GETWS A CALL FROM STEVE SUSKER , THE LAWYER FROM NEW TIMES. SUSKEIN SYAS THAT THE ANGRY GUY HAS RAISED AN INTENT TO SUE AND NOW THINGS ARE GONNA BE DIFFERENT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: STUPIDER LOL

NICK SYLVESTER: I GET DOWNTOWN AND FIND ALL MY TAPES, BRING THEM TO THE OFFICE AROUND 5:30, AND THEN START LISTENING TO THEM TO FIND THE CAITLIN TAPE FOR DOUG. HE IS IN THE OFFICE WITH SUSANNE THE VOICE LAWYER WITH THE SHORT HAIR AND THEY ARE DRAFTING THE OFFICIAL STATEMENT RE THE FABRICATION. I FIND THE TAPE AND PLAY IT FOR THEM, SHUT DOWN MY COMPUTER, DISCONNECT MY FIREWIRE DRIVE WITH ALL MY MP3S, THEN WALK OUT THE BUILDING WITH TOM BREIHAN--HES GOING TO CLIPSE AND I'M METTING MY FRIEND AND HIS BROTHER FOR DINNER BEFORE THEY WENT TO THE BELLE AND SEBASTIAN SHOW

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: JEEEZ THAT NEW ALBUM IS TERRIBLE

NIKCK SYLVESTER: I KNOW IT'S THE WORST

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: AND THEYH PLAYED WITH THE NEW PONOGRANPHERS TOO RIGHT?! JEEZ ID RATHER LISTEN TO THE NEW RICK ROSS MIXTAPE

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH

GAME @FICENAL CENTRAL: BUT THIS IS FRIDAY RIGHT

NICK SYVLESTER: YES FRIDAY. SO NOW I'M SUSPENDED. THE RETRACTION RUNS THE NEXT WEDNESDAY, AND THE WEEKEND AFTER I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET WITH MICHAEL LACEY THE EXECETIVE EDOITOR OF NEW TIMES AT THE TRIBECA GRAND. AT THE MEETING HE ASKS ME WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WANTS TO SUE ME. HE CALLS ME A MORON AND HE ASKS ME WHAT RIFF RAFF IS. THE LAWYER STEVE SOOSKIN IS THERE TOO AND ASKS ME TO PREPARE HIM A COMPLETE FILE OF THE PIECE, THE "ENTIRE UNIVERSE" ANY EMAILS OR DRAFTS OR CORERSPONDENCE OR ANYTHING, JUST IN CASE THE ANGRY GUYS LAWYERS SUBPOENA IT OR WHATEVER. LACEY ORDERS LAMB CHOPS AND SUSKIN ORDERS SLIDERS

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: MINI BURGERS??!?!?!?

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DID HE HOLD THEM WITH HIS THUMB AND INDEX FINGER WHILE HIS OTHER THREE FINGERS INEXPLICABLY JUTTED OUT

NICK SYLVESTER: YOU MEAN REVERSE SLIDER GRIP?

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: I CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE BUT YES

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

NICK SYLVESTER: WHAT DO YOU CALL IT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SLIDER GRIP

NICK SYLVESTER: AT THE END OF THIS MEETING LACEY TELLS ME I AM SUSPENDED, AND THAT HE'S GOING TO KEEP PAYING ME THOUGH BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO BE WORKING ON IDEAS AND PIECES FOR THE NEWSPAPER, SO THAT WHEN I COME BACK IN APRIL I CAN GO INTO A PITCH MEETING AND START BARRELING AGIAN

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SO YOU HAD A MONTH VACATION

NICK SYLVESTER: NOT REALLY, I KEPT WORKING ON STORY IDEAS AND SECRET BLOGS AND I SET UP CONCERTS FOR MYSELF TO WRITE ABOUT ONCE I GOT BACK, BASIC WRITER BOOKKEEPING STUFF. I WOULD GO INTO ROOMS AND PRACTICE TAKING DOWN EVERY DETAIL AND SEEING WHAT I COULD COME UP WITH FORM NOTHING, LITTLE EXERCISES LIKE THAT

GAME @RFNCEAL T: THEN DOUG GOT FIRED THE MONDAY AFTER THE MEETING

NICK SYLVESTER: YES AND WARD HARDCAVY TOOK OVER

GAME@RIFFCENTRAL: HARDGAVY WROTE THAT BLOG I NEVER READ ABOUT THE PRESIDENT AND HE SMOKED CIGARETTES OUTSIDE AND LIKES TO TELL INTERNS ABOUT HOW HE USED TO SMOKE A LOT OF WEED BACK IN THE 70S RIGHT

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: HOLY F I CANT BELIEVE HE SMOKED WEED

NICK SYVLESTER: EH HARKAVY ALSO WAS THE IN-BETWEEN GUY BETWEEN I.T. AND THE EDIT FLOOR, THEY USED TO CALL HIM SCOOP DOG OR SOMETHING BECAUSE HE WOULD HELP ALL THE OTHER EDITORS FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THEIR COMPUTERS, HELP THEM INSTALL PROGRAMS AND USE THE COPY EDITING PROGRAM

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ...

NICK SYLVESTER: SO HE CALLED ME UP THE TUESDAY HIS INTERIM EDITORIN CHIEF GIG STARTED AND SAID HE WANTED TO HELP ME FINISH UP ASSEMBLING THE "ENTIRE UNIVERSE" OF THE PIECE FOR THE NEW TIMES LAWYWER. HE ASKED IF I COULD COME IN LATER THAT NIGHT TO GO THROUGH THE COMPUTER WITH HIM. I SAID SURE, HE MET ME AT THE DOOR BECAUSE TECHNICALLY I WAS BANNED FROM THE BUILDING, THEN HE TOOK ME UP TO MY COMPUTER. WEIRDLY IT WAS ALREADY ON. WHEN I SQUIGGLED THE MOUSE IT HAD BEEN LOGGED INTO THE LETTERS INTERN USER, SO I PULLED DOWN TO LOG OUT. WHEN WE GOT INTO THE LOGIN SCREEN MY USERNAME WAS MISSING

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: I.T. WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO LOG IN SO THEY DISABLE THE LOGIN DUH

NICK SYLVESTER:WADR ACTED FLABBERGASTED, SAID SOMETHING LIKE "LET ME GET IN THERE" AND THEN TRIED TO LOGIN AS ADMINISTRATOR, AND THEN HE WOULD SHOUT FUCK! WHENEVER THE PASSWORD HE TRIED DIDN'T WORK. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD FIGURE IT ALL OUT AND I WOULD HAVE TO COME BY THE NEXT DAY AND I SAID OK

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THIS STORY IS GETTING QUITE LABORIOUSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

NICK SYLVESTER: ...


GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: ...

NICK SYLVESTER: SORRY I JUST DONT WANT TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN. THE NEXT MORNING I GET A CLAL FROM WART AND HE SAYS NOBODY IN I.T. KNOWS WHY MY LOGIN WAS MISSING, AND HE SAYS NOBODY CAN FIND MY ACCOUNT ON THE COMOPUTER EITHER. LUCKILY I WAS STILL ABLE TO ACCESS MY VOICE EMAIL AND I HAD ALWAYS SENT MOST IF NOT ALL THE PIECE BACK AND FORTH VIA EMAIL, ALL PARTS OF IT AND SO ON, SO I WAS STILL ABLE TO PUT TOGETHER A HUGE FILE. BUT STILL I NEEDED EVERYTHING LIKE SUSKIN SAID, SO I EMAILED THE I.T. GUY BRANDON CHAMBERLAIN AND TELL HIM I NEED TO GET INTO THAT COMPUTER BECAUSE THERE MAY STILL BE DOCUMENTS THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO ACCESS VIA EMAIL. HE DOESN'T WRITE BACK UNTIL 6:30PM, WITH HARKAVY CC'D, AND TELLS ME HE'S WORKING ON IT. THE NEXT NIGHT I GET AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL FROM "AN EMPLOYEE OF THE VOICE" MORALIZING ABOUT JOURNALISTIC ETHICS THEN THREATENING ME THAT I SHOULD RESIGN

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: AND IT WAS ANONYMOUS

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: WERE YOU ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHO SENT IT

NICK SYLVESTER: APPRENTLY IF YOU PUT THE IP ADDRESS INTO DNSSTUFF.COM IT WENT BACK TO SOME TOWN IN LONG ISLAND, THE IP WAS 69.112.246.31 ON MARCH 16 AT 11:32PM, THE SERVER IS OPTONLINE.NET

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DO YOU KNOW AY EMPLOYEES AT THE VOICE FROM LONG ISLAND

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: WHATEVER IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYBODY A LOT OF CLOWNS HATED ON YOU EVEN BEFORE THIS SO WHATEVER

NICK SYLVESTER: EITHER WAY I DIDN'T HEAR BACK FROM WARD OR BRANDON AFTER THAT FOR A WHILE. IN THE MEANTIME I SENT FIVE MANILLA ENVELOPES OF EMAILS AND DRAFTS RE "DO YOU WANNA KISS ME" TO STEVE SUSKIN IN PHOENIX, CONTINUED TO DEVELOP STORY IDEAS AND BRAINSTORM FOR RIFF RAFF, WHICH I FIGURED WOULD BE THE ONE THING THEY'D LET ME GO BACK TO SINCE THAT'S WHAT I WAS HIRED TO DO THERE ANYWAY REALLY. THEN MARCH 28 COMES UP, IN MY LAST WEEK OF SUSPENSION. I GET AN EMAIL FROM WARD HARKAVY TUESDAY NIGHT, MARCH 28, THAT SAYS THE I.T. PEOPLE HAVE DETERMINED THAT THE LOGIN WAS DELETED MARCH 3. THE LAST DAY I HAD ACCESSTO THE BUILDING, HE ALSO MENTIONED, WAS MARCH 3. THEN HE ACCUSED ME OF DELETING FILES OFF THE COMPUTER, AND ASKED ME FOR INFORMATION HOW AND WHY THE COMPUTER WAS TAMPERED WITH. HE SAID TO RESPOND NO LATER THAN WEDNESDAY MARCH 29 AT 5PM.

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THATS WEIRD I REMEMBER YOU HAVING TO ASK THE NOTORIOUSLY LAZY AND UNHELPFUL I.T. STAFF ALL THE TIME TO COME DOWN JUST SO YOU COULD UPDATE YOUR ITUNES

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: THAT'S SO WEIRD NOT EVEN THE GUYS AT ENRON COULD DESTROY THE FILES OFF THEIR COMPUTER, THE GOVERNMENT STILL FOUND THEM

NICK SYLVESTER: I KNOW

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SO WHY DIDNT WART HIRE THE GOVERMENT?!?!

NICK SYLVESTER: ...

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE WOMEN OF ENRON



NICK SYVLESTER: I RESPONDED TO WARTS EMAIL THAT NIGHT, TOLD HIM MY EXACT SCHEDULE FOR FRIDAY, ABOUT THE WHITNEY, ABOUT COMING INTO THE VOICE AROUND 5:30 AND LEAVING AROUND 6:30 TO MEET MY FRIEND, ABOUT TOM SEEING ME SHUT THE COMPUTER OFF, ETC. THE NEXT DAY I GET AN EMAIL AROUND 6PM. IT'S AN EMAIL FROM WARD, WITH A MSWORD DOC ATTACHED, THAT SAYS: As a result of your misconduct in the reporting and writing of the cover story, "The Game," you were suspended while a thorough inquiry was conducted by management at the Village Voice. That review is now complete. This is to inform you that your employment at Village Voice is terminated, effective immediately. HR will contact you in the next few days. Sincerely, Ward Harkavy Interim Editor in Chief

GAME@RIFFCOWN: I THOUGHT THE NAEM OF THE PIECE WAS "DO YOU WANNA KISS ME?"

NICK SYLVESTER: IT IS, YEAH

GAME@RIFFCENTRAL; WEIRD.'DID HE USE 1 INCH MARGINS

NICK SYLVESTER: NO HE USED A HALF INCH MARGIN FOR HIS HEADER, THEN MOVED THE BODY INTO INCH AND A QUARTER

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: WHO THE FUCK USES INCH AND A QUARTER MARGINS ANYMORE

NICK SYLVESTER: WE STILL DONT KNOW WHAT CHANGED FROM MY TALK WITH LACEY AND WARTS LETTER. IT COULD BE OVER THIS COMPUTER STUFF, IT COULD BE JUST LACEYS CHANGE OF HEART, ITS ALSO UNCLEAR HOW MUCH EDITORS TALKED LACEY INTO KEEPING ME OUT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: BUT YOURE FORGETTING THEY CANNED RIDGEWAY THAT DAY TOO

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH I KNOW ITS UNBELIEVABLE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: HE'S LIKE A 69 YEAR OLD DUDE

NICK SYVLESTER: I THINK SO

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: GOD IF THEY FIRED HIM BUT LEFT YOU ON THE VOICE WOULD HAVE PROBABLY HAD THE BIGGEST AGE DISCRIMINATION CASE GOING AGAINST THEM EVER

NICK SYLVESTER: TELL ME ABOUT IT

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: SO TAHATS THAT FINALLY JEEZ. WHATS NEXT

NICK SYLVESTER: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: LIKE ARE YOU STILL WRITING

NICK SYLVESTER: YEAH I HAVE A FEW LONGER PROJECTS I'M FINISHING SO THIS WORKS OUT. PEOPLE ARE GIVING ME FREELANCE WORK TOO AND WORSE TO WORST I HAVE A COMPLETE SET OF MICK JAGGER WARHOLS I CAN SELL OFF FOR FOOD. I'LL BE FINE

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL : MAYBE DJ?

NICK SYLVESTER: MAYBE

GAME @RIFFCENTR: I SEE YOU'VE STARTED A NEW BLOG AT WWW.RIFFMARKET.COM

NICK SYLVESTER; YEAH IT'S LIKE THE NEW RIFF RAFF

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY ABOUT BLOGS

NICK SYLVESTER: ?

GAME CENTRAL: THEYRE LIKE THE EASTER MYSTERY

NICK SYLVESTER: I DONT THINK BLOGS ARE LIKE THE EASTER MYSTERY

GAME CENTRAL Y:EAH THEY ARE

NICK SYLVESTER: WHY ON THE FIRST DAY HE WAS CRUCIFIED?

GAME @RIFFCENTRAL: NO THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE

NICK SYLVESTER: WELL THEN WHAT IS IT

GAME @RIFFCENTRA: ON THE THIRD DAY HE ROSE A GAME 
I GOT A NEW RIFF, CORPORATE AMERICA

PAST RIFFS
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